i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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