I wish I could punch you in the face.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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