I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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