I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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