Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
