it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
