i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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