that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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