Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Do vagina's smell?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
