I just threw up on my dentist
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize