Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
