And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
