The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
