Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
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I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
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I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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