im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
