my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize