omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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