you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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