how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
