I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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