peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
