just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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