They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
