whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
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I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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