I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
