ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
