And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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