Tell her she can't have a vagina
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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