I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Come back. Shots need mouths.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
