We named our party play list daddy issues
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
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OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
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It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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