he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The uberlube is also flammable
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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