I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
