I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
