i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
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smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
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I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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