im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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