a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
