theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
