Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
