based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
