im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
