I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
