highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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