it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
