you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
