if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You're like the curious george of whores
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
