my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
