I can tuck mytits in my pants
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
