is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
