you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
