I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
is wine microwaveable?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
