I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
