i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
