shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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