Nicole vs. Life
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
