I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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