Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
