I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
