You're my little dorito
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
