Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
