you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
wat bout pragnant strippers??
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Ketchup is God's man juice
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
