Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.