if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This is the high leading the old right now
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
