I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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